Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
