Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
