the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
