so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
