its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
