His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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