i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
