i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
