I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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