Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
