My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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