I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Randomize
