Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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