Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
