I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
