Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
