hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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