i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
