just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
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