So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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