Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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