It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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