her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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