Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
