her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
