We won't sleep together?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
