Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
