i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
