I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
