did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
