i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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