If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
