That's when you crack a 10am beer
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I deserve to be covered in dicks
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
