Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Randomize
