whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
