We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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