Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
