oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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