have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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