I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
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