There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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