Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
