did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
