Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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