Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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