Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
