Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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