Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
