i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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