There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
