I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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