I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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