I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
