I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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