He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize