your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
