Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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