I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
