Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
