Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
