How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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