if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
