So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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