Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
