why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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