I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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