It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
