I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
