I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i think i just naturally attract stoners
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
