I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
