Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
