Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
No I am not eating basil off your cock
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
