highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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