dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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