oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize