is wine microwaveable?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
