I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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