just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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