Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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