3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
