Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
