Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
