Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
