GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
