my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
