My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize