So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
